The Radical Idea of Slow
Hello friends,
I've been toiling over what to write next. Ever since I posted last, I've been plagued with this itch to write something without the express vision of what exactly to write. So, I sit. I sit with the idea of wanting to write, with the idea that I want it to actually communicate what I'm feeling but without being too 'heady' or sounding like I'm trying to sell you on the idea that I'm some 'master'.
But. Still....
In all my ponderings, the word 'masterpiece' keeps looping around my head like a hissing snake. If you've been keeping up with my psychosis, you'll have read the last time that I'm rather bored and disillusioned with social media these days. I'm tired of having to keep up with the 'finish 30 paintings in 30 days' type of vibe that landscape produces. And the ads. And the AI. And here we are....
You have to sit with me again as I ramble my way through some complex thoughts.
When I did THE FULL FUCKING MONTH of Inktober in 2018 (31 illustrations in 31 days), I was pretty damn proud that I finished it. I sold most of the originals that I made, and I gained several new followers on Instagram...but the majority of those pieces, I am not proud of. They are rushed. Sloppy. Unfinished (in my opinion). Just to keep up with the challenge and the algorithm and the thousands of other people using #inktober.
And beyond the pride of finishing the month and the little bit of money I made that year, I don't actually like the majority of those pieces. I kind of cringe every time I look at them.
And then 2020 happened.
We all remember how that went.
But, some of my very best work- things that no one else has seen, that sit in the bottom of my archive box- paintings I am so incredibly in love with and proud of (the technical skill) and think about often, came out of that era. I was forced to sit with myself and really look inward. Time stretched out like the ever-expanding universe and I was forced to stare into the mirror at my cosmic artistic self. I know the pandemic was devastating, but the slowness that was forced upon me during that period really showed me something about my art.
There were no festivals and very little sales. And for the first few months, it felt like the whole world stopped. The quietness of it all was rather chilling. I was alone with my thoughts more often than not because everything outside of me felt like death. But, that's actually when the magic presented itself. I wasn't making art to sell. I was making art to communicate something I didn't have the words for, feelings that felt too big for language. It was the only thing that felt like it made sense during a time where nothing was making sense to me.
For a moment, it felt the whole world paused and we took a collective breath.
and then....
everything just went back to normal.
Festivals started popping up again a year or so later. Art sales aren't nearly as good anymore (it's the economy, I know), but folks still seem to be interested. Stores opened back up and life went on like usual, but somehow now it all feels like it's moving so much faster. The internet moves at lightning speed. Trends are out of control. Social media and the never-ending loop of media, in general, somehow feels even more all-consuming. And that addicted-to-my-phone feeling feels stronger than ever. Which brings me to my first point... (yea, bear with me here...)
Slow feels punk nowadays.
Cringe. I know. But sit with that idea.
It feels kind of cool to be removed from the rat race. The authenticy we're all chasing and craving is not found within the doom scroll.
Slow feels like a giant middle finger to a system that monetizes our exhaustion and insecurities and anxieties all while feeding us this lie that our art (or business, or self-worth) needs it (the system, social media, ect.). It feels revolutionary within the online art scene, and truthfully any art scene nowadays, to just simply step back. To stop posting all of the time in the grand search of mastery. To stop feeding the algorithm for the sake of feeding my artistic spirit and build a deeper world for the folks that connect to the spirit of my work. I firmly believe my people will find me.
And if they don't, I'll just be chillin' in my room painting cool stuff.
Art for the simple pleasure of art or for the sake of deep communication feels punk.
Art that screams about the horrors of the world feels punk.
Art in which you can peek into the soul of another and make a connection feels punk.
When I am working at my best, in service of my higher self, I am in pure flow state without the pressure of the sale or social media. It is art for the sake of communication and connection and simply put - that takes a lot of time. The deepest parts of my self-expression are found within that flow state, and it honestly takes a while for me to get back into that rhythm and into that honest space, especially nowadays (#momlife). I'll get more into that in a future post.
One of my favorite parts of the process though, in any media I use, are those tiny little details most people (probably) aren't going to see. The tiny creases in the fold of a finger on an absurdly detailed ink drawing are like heaven to me. But you've probably never noticed. All of those teeny, little nothings add up to something spectacular. I believe the energy that I so deeply focus into each bit of every piece culminates into something that is a palpable force when you engage with in - especially in person with the original. Think of it like a form of art magic, which is what I've decided it is, actually. My art has shifted in recent years to be a modality of spell work that I can share with the world.
At its base intention, it is an energy exchange.
What starts as a way to transcend into a higher dimension through the flow state and access knowledge and codes transforms, once completed, into a form of spell work that I can then pass along to my collectors. It took me several years to figure out what was coming through and why it was happening, but very recently- through my own searching and also conversations with collectors- I've learned this is my path and purpose for my art. It blends storytelling with deep symbolism to build a bridge for you, the audience and collectors, to also access these high source codes. The magic gets passed to you for your healing once it passes through my hands.
Think of me like a translator, but using art. And again, this takes time.
It's a funny thing, that once I finally found the purpose of my work, I don't really have the time for it like I used to. I think it might just be my next lesson from the universe, learning to be more methodical and decisive with my work. I think it's a meditation on boundaries and structure. I have to slow down and make purposeful choices in search of the masterworks. The universe knows I need time to pull back and focus hard on pieces that are meaningful and touch the heart. And, in all my years of REALLY doing the art thing, I've never slowed down enough to produce something I was deeply proud of, for the exception of only a handful of things.
At the highest productivity point in my art career, I had this irrational expectation of myself that if I could not finish an acrylic piece in one 12-16 hour sitting, it wasn't worth my time and I'd get bored. The piece would either get shoved into a dark corner of my studio or completely painted over and redone. I needed high volume at high speeds. They didn't all need to be great, they had to be flashy, and they needed to sell.
Though, as I age, I'm looking to the artists that have inspired my work for so long. Alex Grey, Frida Kahlo, Frank Frazetta, Cindy Sherman, Georgia O'Keeffe, the entire surrealist movement of the 1920's, Salvador Dali, Peter Max during the late 60's - all the artists that have come before with a statement and skill behind their work. God damn it, even that bastard Picasso... there were reasons and effort behind their work other than media exposure and a sale. I refuse to let modern society take that away from my creative practice and I do not care if the algorithm buries me. I am genuinely over it.
It's not to say these artists were trying to achieve this higher state of consciousness bullshit I'm attempting, but I will say that their works have definitely spoken to me like they were. A lot of art, regardless of its intent, I believe taps into this even without trying.
What brings me back to the works of the artists I admire is the world building, the stories behind the work. Especially the works of Frida Kahlo and Cindy Sherman (photographer) - these women put pieces of their souls into their work with the explicit intent of trying to communicate things that simple words just could not. These pieces of themselves were throughlines in multiple works creating a weaving that spoke to the nature of their human experience which then translated into something the public, even us now in 'the future' can look back to and relate and connect to.
'Beauty in Ugly Times' 2020 // sold to private collector
So what's the point of all of this?
I am slowing down to focus on masterful works, diving deeper into my world building, trying to find my true audience, and trying find something authentic within my own work.
If I've got all of this philosophy and theory and symbolism in my art and in my head, what's the point of it all if I don't actually talk about it?! I think I've stewed in it long enough on my own. Eventually, I'd like to get to a point with this blog where I'm whining less about social media and just talk about the philosophy. My art has gotten so complicated over the last few years, and I feel like it would help if I explained some of the symbolism so everyone might connect to it better. Some folks may feel confused or overwhelmed and I feel you may connect to it deeper.
And that's really what I want - for you to feel a deep connection to the art I am providing with the express intent for your own spiritual healing and connection to the divine.
If that sounds like something you're interested in, please stick around. I think you can follow the blog through google, but I really don't know how. The best ways to know if I've posted is to follow me on facebook, instagram or to sign up for The Cult Fam Newsletter.
The new letter doesn't go out very often. I think I've only sent out one so far, and that was months ago. But, as I build up this space and continue to craft this weird little world of mine, I have plans drawn up for the cult 🩷 Thank you for your time and your focus. I know reading long form content like this has gone out of fashion, but I think the writing and the reading of things like this are what is going to save a piece of our humanity as we rocket into the future. There's something innately human about doing things slowly, with thought and with purpose. I'm trying to hold onto that.
With all my love,
Holly Erinn
p.s. You should also be able to listen to an audio version of this and most of the blog posts going forward on my youtube channel as a podcast. They'll just be the audio recording with some sort of pleasing visual, not really me on camera (expect for maybe an intro/outro), but I thought that it'd be an interesting companion piece to these posts and another accessible way for folks to enjoy my work.
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