Crawling out of the Hermit Hole...

**MEET BABY BLAIRE***

Hello friends, 

Welp, I did it again. I let the darkness get to me and retreated back to my hermit hole to hide out for 2 months. If you're just joining us, I'm talking about my depression. There's no sense in being coy about it or trying to beat around the bush. This is something I've been navigating my entire life, though if I'm honest it has gotten more complicated as I age, yet I know how to manage it better. 

Something happened back in May that sent me in a spiral and up until very recently I've been muddling through it. I really don't want to go into detail only for the sake of not stirring the pot. But know I'm fine physically, it was a business issue that got way out of hand. But any way...long story short I'm ok, I've processed everything and have moved forward. I've got shit to do. 

If you follow my IG (@hollyerinn) or FB page, you'll have seen plenty of updates in the past few months. I tend to keep up with those the most, sadly neglecting this blog. Recently, my FB page has been my most updated social media and we have a good bit of fun over there. I post all the super strange IG messages I get over there. So if you'd like a giggle, check it out. 

Mostly what I've been focusing on in the months that I've stopped writing has been what genuinely makes me happy, what I want to do in my business and things that are within my comfort zone allowing my to focus without anxiety. Earlier this year, I tried very hard to push myself outside of my comfort zone and try things that were exciting but not exactly what I want to do. I tried, and I'm happy that I tried them but there are things that my heart is pulling my towards in a way that those things just don't. I dropped the ball on a few big projects due to my depression, but I'm actually really happy that happened because it forced me to ask myself what I really want. And, what I really want to do is draw and paint and write my books. 

When I think about what really makes me happy is being quiet, sitting at my desk in the dark drawing under my desk lamp, listening to classical music and jazz, and creating worlds in my head that I'll eventually share with the world. There's a lot of shiny, pretty things that part of me wants to be a part of but my true love is at my desk sketching til my fingers are sore and I can barely lift my arms or my eyelids. That is my happy place. I'm sure that this has and will disappoint some of the people in my life that I love dearly. There are stories in my head that need to come out though and that takes focus, lots and lots of focus and those pretty, shiny things take away from that focus. 

So if I disappear again....

I'll be at my desk, hunched over piles of paper trying to create the next great masterpiece. 

xo. h.